Stephen, the greatest masculine icon of our time

Stephen, a far from ordinary man, was
born in a fairly ordinary place somewhere near Birmingham, England in
the summer of 1970 on a fairly ordinary Saturday, which I presume was a
rainy day, like most other days in England. His mother wrapped him in
cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in
the local inn. Now, 35 years later, Stephen measures an impressive 5
feet 11 inches and weighs a good 20 stones. Being blond and blue-eyed,
he looks unmistakably Finnish, but his perfect BBC-like pronunciation
suggests he might be English after all. Stephen has a beautiful wife and
three beautiful children. He once secretly confessed to me that he
would like to have at least five children. As a humble man, he lives in a
very modest apartment in a very modest part of Oxford.

I admire Stephen very, very much. He is absolutely nice and kind and
amiable and helpful and generous and courteous and amicable and
trustworthy and reliable. And he never gets angry or annoyed or upset or
irritated and never does anything wrong. As a great friend, he is also
absolutely loyal to me and never raises my shenanigans with anybody. In
addition, he is extremely smart and competitive and bright.

Stephen studied at Cambridge University, one of the most prestigious
academic institutions in the world, where he first obtained a master's
degree and later a doctoral degree. He now holds a permanent position as
a historian at Oxford University, also one of the world's most
prestigious academic institutions. In order to fully appreciate this,
consider the following: You have to be extremely smart and competitive
to gain entry as an undergraduate student at Oxford or Cambridge. You
have to be even smarter and more competitive to be accepted for doctoral
studies. And you have to be even, even smarter and more competitive to
actually get a job at either university. To get a permanent position is
even harder, next to impossible. Stephen is so bright and competitive
that he had a permanent position at Cambridge University, but was
offered another one at Oxford University. He eventually chose to move to
Oxford, because the position in Oxford takes him on a fast track to
becoming a professor. If you ask him, however, he will tell you that he
moved to Oxford, because that enabled him to live closer to church, but
nobody of course believes such modest statements from a superstar like
Stephen.

As a researcher in American history, Stephen has written many
best-selling books and studied many interesting and relevant topics,
such as how Finland was perceived by the American media during the 1952
Helsinki Summer Olympics. The most famous of his books [Beyond Atlanta
:www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0820325287/qid=1115757488/sr=8-10/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i10_xgl14/002-9392552-0261607?v=glance&s=books&n=507846]
received a prestigious award for being the best history textbook ever
written in the United States or maybe it was in the State of Georgia, I
cannot remember exactly. Please order a copy using the link provided.

In a few years' time, after having served as a professor for a while,
Stephen will undoubtedly move on to become Prime Minister or Secretary
General of the United Nations or Archbishop of Canterbury (Head of the
Anglican Church) or Pope (Pope Stephen Tuck I) or something similar.
There are really no limits at all for a man of his calibre.

Stephen is a keen Christian. He occasionally gives evangelistic talks
and leads church services in Oxford. He also used to lead a Bible study
group, which incidentally became rather notorious for being Oxford's
messiest Bible study group because of his messy friend Dan Brockington,
who attended it regularly. It has very much nurtured my own faith to
hear a superhuman like Stephen humbly talk about his faith and explain
the Bible with his usual eloquence.

A ubiquitous feature of Stephen's character is his great sense of
humour, which can be sensed e.g. in his comments on this website. In
fact, of all the unwanted comments ever written on mickelsson.net
Stephen is responsible for about 10 percent. But this is an aberration
and the fact that his friend Dan has written the remaining 90 percent of
the spam means that Stephen is relatively innocent and should be
forgiven.

I should of course also mention that I first met Stephen in St Ebbe's
Church, Oxford on Friday 25 October 2002 at 19.50 BST (18.50 GMT), which
became a turning point in my life. I liked him from the very beginning.
Stephen also once confessed to me that initially, before knowing about
my shenanigans, he thought I was a most sensible person. I am very proud
of this assessment from one of the world's leading minds. Once, when I
skied (on roller skis of course) to church in Oxford in complete
darkness along the main road from Abingdon, 12 kilometres away, ahead of
some very confused car drivers, Stephen also told me that Finland would
be a great country, if all Finns were like me. I am even more proud of
this statement. Nevertheless, Stephen often seems to assume that all
Finns are like me, which can be a bit confusing.

Without exceptions, women find Stephen irresistibly and unbearably
attractive. His sweet looks, friendly smile, boyish charm and radiating
charisma makes him a formidable heartbreaker. I have experienced this
myself. Once when I was talking to Stephen, a beautiful Finnish lady
named Anna suddenly bumped into our conversion, out of the blue it
seemed, attracted by Stephen's immense charm. She was only interested in
Stephen and not at all in me. Stephen also once secretly confessed to
me that he has had to turn his back to many family friends, who simply
found him too attractive.

The number one priority in Stephen's life is God and the number two
priority is his family. Unfortunately, I come in quite low on his
priority list, so he can usually spare no more than five minutes to talk
to me. Nevertheless, I enjoy these five minutes very much and they keep
me happy for the rest of the day. But even so, the most difficult thing
is often just to penetrate the adoring crowd of mostly women that
usually surrounds Stephen. It should be added, however, that Stephen has
promised to attend my wedding, unconditionally and whatever the
circumstances, but it is of course easy for him to make such promises,
as he knows that this is an event that is extremely unlikely to ever
take place.

I am full of admiration for Stephen. It is an enormous privilege to know
him personally. I wish I could be more like him in every aspect of my
life.

If you want to tell Stephen how much you admire him, you can send him
e-mail at the address stephen.tuck(at)history.oxford.ac.uk. He will
answer all correspondence personally.

For fans of Stephen, there are also two Internet home pages about him out
there:
www.pembroke.ox.ac.uk/cgi-bin/profiles_academic.cgi?profileid=122

www.history.ox.ac.uk/staff/postholder/tuck_sgn.htm